Daniel Anderson: happy to be out of the van.

++Each week Daniel Anderson, guitarist for electronica/rock duo Idiot Pilot, will be checking in with Guitar World to offer his thoughts on a range of guitar-related topics. This week: The Filthy Van!++

To most people, the thought of going on a tour with a band is probably wrought with legions of screaming fans, backstage parties, and droves of beautiful women. While in some cases that may be true, most of the hours of any tour are spent in a very different way, which most people who haven’t gone out themselves may not even think of. This, of course, is driving. The reality of being a band on tour, specifically one without yet the success to afford a bus and therefore a driver, is that a vast majority of the time is going to be spent in a cramped van hurling down the road at all hours of the night trying to get to the next gig on time. It is in that spirit that I would like to extend the limited advice I have on how to successfully drive 24 hours straight in a van.

First of all, make sure you have multiple activities lined up that you are going to use to keep yourself busy. This is a perfect time to write or to read. I personally read very rarely when I am at home because I always just have so much to do, but when you’re locked up in a bunk in a van, a book is an amazing use of time. Just be sure to bring a reading light. Another thing to make sure that you have is a laptop and plenty of DVDs to watch. Remember that you are probably going to be spending countless hours out on the road total, so I would recommend TV on DVD which will last for much longer. iPods are also a must, but remember before you leave to install a CD player with an audio input that will work with your Pod. For musicians especially, a drive this long without a treasure trove of music could be mind shattering.

“But how am I going to keep all these things powered?” You might ask, “On this long and horrifying journey.”

Good question. There are basically two kinds of power inverters that you can buy for your van. The first plugs right into your cigarette lighter (or preferably, your “power port” which looks identical but can sustain a significantly higher amount of devices being plugged into it) and will usually get the job done for a while, but they inevitably become overloaded and you will blow a fuse, which is an easy replacement but somehow only fixes the problem so many times, until eventually you are just without power. The other kind of inverter plugs directly into the battery of your vehicle and then a wire is run into your cab where you will receive power. This way is more expensive but not by much, and can support significantly more people charging their stuff at one time without breaking something.

Chicago Deep Dish goodness

Everyone has their vices, whether it is cigarettes, alcohol, chocolate, you name it. Many people get addicted to certain substances or feelings. If I can define addiction as something you need to do everyday at least once a day, and if you don’t do this, you have trouble functioning (masturbation excluded), I’d venture to say I may have a pizza addiction, or at least I may be at risk to becoming addicted to pizza.

If I don’t have pizza one day, I don’t think I have problems getting through the day, but when I do have it, I’m in a much better mood (unless of course it’s a bastardized version of what pizza is). Pizza has been there for me at the best of times, and the worst of times but it’ll never discriminate, and I can depend on it being there for me whenever I need it.

Over the years, I’ve had hundreds of slices from many places around the world. I actually make a point of trying pizza wherever I go, asking the locals where to get the best pizza and I probably base a lot of my opinion of a place on how good the pizza is there (and the beer for that matter). Of all the pizza I’ve had, I’d like to highlight what I’m going to call Six Savoury Slices.

Asbury Park Convention Hall

++Each week Daniel Anderson, guitarist for electronica/rock duo Idiot Pilot, will be checking in with Guitar World to offer his thoughts on a range of guitar-related topics. This week: The Boss!++

Being on tour gives you a chance to see and do a lot of things that you would not normally be able to do. You constantly find yourself wandering in a state, country or even a continent that you would have otherwise never gotten a chance to encounter, but even more specifically, venues across the world that have been made legendary by one artist or another. One such place is Asbury Park, New Jersey, and that one such legendary artist is, of course, Bruce Springsteen. We played in Asbury Park a few nights ago and I have to say it was an honor to be performing in the house of The Boss, so much so that I have decided to dedicate this blog to, none other than, Bruce Springsteen.

I'll just come right out and say it, Bruce Springsteen has absolutely got to be one of the coolest dudes on the planet. You could describe him as a lot of things; a simple folk singer from New Jersey, the mouthpiece of blue collar America, or even as Max Weinberg’s other boss besides Conan O'Brien.

With all of these titles, it's safe to say that Bruce has accomplished a lot, not just because of his amazing talent as a songwriter, but also because he has been around for a really fucking long time. Born in 1949, Bruce decided to take up music after watching Elvis on the Ed Sullivan show when he was just seven years old. He started playing gigs around New Jersey when he was in his early twenties and was eventually picked up by Columbia Records in 1972. Apparently, back in those days, people liked to talk about how much he sounded like Bob Dylan.

Anyway, fast forward to 1984 and The Boss is putting out Born in the USA, which had literally seven top-ten hits, more than half of the album (it's 12 tracks deep). Keep in mind that this is probably one of the most gratuitous fast forwards ever because during the time between Bruce also released Born to Run, which totally rips, as well as the folk milestone, Nebraska. But like I said, Bruce Springsteen's career is pretty long, so let's fast forward again to October 2, 2007.

As of very recently, The Boss is coming out with a new record, called Magic. Now, as far as favorite Bruce Springsteen albums go, I am pretty partial to 1992’s Human Touch, mostly due to the fact that it contains both the tracks "Real Man" and "Man's Job," but I have to say Magic could be a possible contender for that position. The track "Your Own Worst Enemy" sounds like classic old school Springsteen, filled up nicely with strings, a tambourine, horns, bells and more courtesy of the E Street Band. It is an amazing record and I suggest that everyone go and pick up a copy.

It is an real honor to spend time in these places that have cultivated such successful and talented artists. It only makes the songs that much richer.

The band responsible for the random, silly, disgusting van floor.

The van floor is a very interesting place. There is a unique collection of items that end up there. Gravity will pull anything down there so if you are missing something, usually it's best to have a root around on the floor. There are all the usual things you would expect to find: empty beer bottles, cigarette butts, dirty clothes, peed-in bottles, loose change, etc. But I wanted to talk about the things you wouldn't expect to find and tell you how they came to be there.

*Blue camping mats: * When my parents upgraded their camping gear and got air mattresses, they donated the blue foam ones to the van. Surprisingly, they do a lot more than you think. I have some of my best sleeps in the "spider hole", (the area between two bench seats) and I usually end up down there after losing rock, paper, scissors or Luke pays me enough to buy my spot on the bench. However, a verbal contract is made as to when I'm allowed back up on the seat.

*Book of cds:* One day Arif and I went to Goodwill to drop off some random clothes. It was closed but people had left things outside. We decided to rummage around and came across a goldmine; a book of someone else's burnt cds. It was full of personal mixes like Rap Dd #1, Pop Cd #2 and Disney songs. Boy did this person have some bad tunes but it provided hours of enjoyment and many cds that were thrown out the window. The biggest surprise was when we found a cd labelled Punk Mix #1 and it was a compilation of our shitty stuff, and our manager's old band Closet Monster. Don't think for a second that wasn't thrown out the window after a good laugh.

*Deluxe male urinal:* I don't like scrambling for a bottle in an emergency. I found this gem in a drugstore for five bucks. It's for bedridden patients but it's very practical for long van rides. It has a wide opening, a liter of room, a somewhat secure cap, and a nifty handle. Since the volume is marked on the side, you can compete for the biggest bladder emptying.

*Decapitated stuffed animals:* We're all suckers for those claw machines, you know, the ones you can win stuffed animals in. Unfortunately, Choady has an obsession with ripping their heads off. After you are successful and win a cuddly little friend, it's not safe for long as you'll come back to the van the next morning and find it no longer has a head.

*Marco's Airwalks:* Marco bought a new pair of shoes for nine dollars when he was on tour with us. For some reason, he decided to keep his old ones in a plastic bag and they now live under the third bench.

*Timmy's portable library:* The only way to keep a book safe is by putting it in some protected place. I have a Tupperware tub I put all my books in. Most of them are random Value Village books or Harlequin romances but they make the long drives pass by quickly.

*The vent for our AC:* When we're listening to some "serious breakdowns," we all usually decide to punch the roof. This is called throwing up. The vibrations from the punching in the roof has caused the AC vent to shake loose and it now "chills" on the floor.

++Each week, Protest the Hero's Tim Millar (guitars/vocals) and Arif Mirabdolbaghi (bass /vocals/lyrics) will be offering dispatches from the road. Check back next week for more random information!++

Daniel contemplates six-string history. Photo by Paul Turpin.

++ Each week Daniel Anderson, guitarist for electronica/rock duo Idiot Pilot will be checking in with Guitar World to offer his thoughts on a range of guitar-related topics. This week: lutes! ++

When I was asked to start writing these blogs for Guitar World I was absolutely thrilled. You may not expect it from just a passing listen to Idiot Pilot, but in the developmental stages of my guitar playing, some ten years ago now, I was a very avid Guitar World reader.

I would always find myself learning at least one of the five or so songs tabbed out in the back pages. If I cared at all about the featured guitarist, I would eat up their commentary in the 60 Minutes mix tape section, where they dove into their various influences.

I found that to be the easiest way to tell who was a real, true-to-life music lover and who was not, because the players who actually cared took bits and pieces of influences from everywhere on the musical map, while the ones who were just trying to look like bad-ass shredders were not. The guitarists that I didn’t care for would always just tell people what they wanted to hear. They would go through the motions touching only on the predictable picks of their respected genre.

For instance, the old-school metal guy’s 60 Minutes would usually look a little like this: Slayer “Raining Blood,” Metallica “Battery,” Maiden, Priest… If they had any sense in them they would probably throw in a little Zeppelin, and then of course the obligatory “newer” band that is still all right to say despite the fact that they have formed in the last ten years. For this example we will say, oh, how about, Slipknot.

Now don’t get me wrong, every band that I have just listed is fucking rad, no doubt about it, from Slayer to “the knot.” I could honestly say that, in some ways, at least half of those bands have directly influenced my guitar playing and there isn’t a single one of them that can’t be found somewhere on my iPod. But when the cool, young, new rocker guy is asked to put together the most influential 60 minutes of his musical lifetime, and he jots down the same exact thing…then you know something is up.

Here is why.

Scalpers: Not PTH Approved

We’re about two weeks into the Silverstein “Chillers” tour and things are quite the opposite in Florida right now. The sun is shining, the sky is clear and the van is anything but chilly. It might be purely coincidental, but it seems the warmer weather, the more willing people are to come out to the shows.

The last couple nights were sold out, and there seems to be even more people than usual outside the venue desperately looking for tickets. Last night, maybe 10 or 15 people came up to me asking if I had any extra tickets or if I could sneak them in. With such a high demand for tickets comes a stronger presence of scalpers, who, in my opinion, are the scum of the earth.

Initially, many people might think scalpers are cool: just business savvy dudes that understand that if people really want something and you’re the only one who has it, they’ll be willing to pay more for it. In theory, I, too, like that concept a lot.

In fact, almost everyday, I find a way to “trick” someone in my band to pay me more for something I have. But the thing is, when you’re selling a $15 ticket for $150, I think that’s taking advantage of the situation. If you’re offering a service to someone, at least be reasonable about the cost.

Think about it, let say on an average night a scalper sells 20 tickets for $25 more than they paid for it. Let’s say they get to the show an hour before doors and sell their tickets in 2 hours. That means there making $250 an hour.

That’s a hell of a lot more than I make, so that’s when I start to get mad. That’s when I realize that these scum suckers are making a better living than me (and maybe even you) for doing something so slimy. This is when I realize that fans who spend $25 more for their ticket, have $25 less to spend on merch, which is where bands really make back their money. These same ticket buyers (if they’re of legal drinking age), are going to spend $25 less at the bar that night and that’s bad, too, because we’ve found drunk people seem to like our music more than sober people.

 

"A child that does not travel praises its mother as being the best cook. " - Bemba proverb

I call bullshit.

Yesterday I ate so much cheese I might never shit again.

Save the pot of coffee I'm presently drinking, everything in my life contributes to an overall feeling of blockage like so much fat around my heart. A rolling stone may gather no moss, but it certainly picks up cholesterol.

 

++Each week, Protest the Hero's Tim Millar (guitars/vocals) and Arif Mirabdolbaghi (bass /vocals/lyrics) will be offering dispatches from the road. Check back next week for more random information!++

Jack Passion: 23-year-old Natural Beard Champ 2007

Beards have played a big role in music, from Brahms to ZZ Top to Kerry King. Here, I pass on to you my Beard Etiquette 101 teachings for the bearded and the beard admirers.

Being part of the beard community for about the last 2 years, I've learned and experienced a lot. It's funny how not shaving for a little while brings you into an unspoken gentleman's club, where men with beards see you as a peer; you have common ground, and men (or boys) who can't or haven't yet grown a beard look up to you.

After having been asked many questions about my beard and having talked to other beard growers, I've learned some basic beard etiquette. Here, I pass on to you my Beard Etiquette 101 teachings for the bearded and the beard admirers.

Beard Hierarchy: If someone has a bigger beard then you, they are allowed to talk down to you, should they choose to. Since they have more growth than you, they are superior to you and you should know your place. You can talk about beards with them, but should approach the subject with caution. Most bearded fellows like to talk about their beards but that shouldn't be the first topic of discussion.

Let It Flow: Moustaches look great when styled, but beards are meant to be left alone. Braiding only makes your beard look shorter than it is. Some beardos can get away with the part but it should be saved for special occasions. Most of us don't have enough of a beard to properly style it, so it's best to just let it flow.