Eight Steps to Becoming a Legendary Hair Metal Guitarist
Want to become a legendary hair metal guitarist? Just follow these eight simple steps.
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From fashion trends to movie remakes, the '80s are back with a vengeance.
But are neon-colored Wayfarers and tiger-print bikinis enough to bring back the decade’s most recognizable musical period? It’s unclear at this point, but as the Boy Scouts say, let’s “be prepared.”
It’s impossible to think about '80s rock without vibrant visuals of half-naked dudes prancing around stage wearing more makeup and hair product than a horde of groupies. Even though the period broke almost every unwritten rule of rock and roll, it became one of its most successful sub-genres.
So, what if this current '80s revival is stronger than we realize and hair metal rises from the ashes like a Spandex and lace-clad phoenix?
You’ll have to jump on the bandwagon and tap/palm mute your way to a record deal. However, being a hair metal guitarist is much deeper than just executing signature techniques. How you look and act is just as important as how you sound.
Below are eight specific rules you’ll need to employ to become the leader of a full-fledged hair metal resurgence.
01. Smile the Entire Time You’re On Stage or Camera
One of glam or hair metal's original the genre’s first nicknames was "teeth metal" because band members smiled so much on stage. This style of rock was all about playing upbeat songs that focused on girls, cars and, well, being happy. There’s no way you can’t smile if you’re basically the Tony Robbins of rock music.
Performing a song about the best night of your life with a death stare and clenched jaw kills your credibility. Plus, a badass, I’ll-break-your-face-if-you-even-look-me-in-the-eye persona is impossible to pull off while wearing makeup and lace gloves.
Exception: Don’t smile when performing a ballad. Shed a minimum of three tears instead.
02. Guitars Must Have Custom Graphics
By the mid-'80s, if your guitar didn’t display geometric art that utilized every color in the rainbow, you wouldn’t even be allowed to step on the stage of a high school talent show. However, don’t worry if you lack fine-art skills. You can cheat the rule by blinding fans with sparkly neon or color-shifting chameleon finishes.

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tal4jesus
February 15, 2013 at 2:10pm
Hair Metal returning is like a NIGHTMARE!! Sure, there were some awesome guitar players, but the majority, (not all) of the music SUCKED!
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danhalen67
October 29, 2012 at 5:22pm
In essence, this slightly mocking sensibility to an exciting form of guitar playing can be summed in three words: Wall of Sound. Uh fyi, it's exciting to hear and watch and it's hard to do.. Further, while every popular money-making music form gets copied and then recopied into a sad form, one should give the essence of this great guitar form some respect. First let me point out that the gargantuan growth in the guitar sales, guitar popularity, Guitar World Magazine and magazine sales is due primarily to this style of exciting guitar playing and the fantastic musicians who brought it to the masses. I know this was for 'laughs' but I hope this does not cause you to loose readers and members who voted in the top 100 guitar players of all time (top 10 shows 4 shredders from that era). Maybe Guitar World needs to not be so hypocritical like that and be thankful for these guys. My god do your homework.
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FretboardMagician
February 15, 2013 at 2:44pm
Yea it's unfortunate that the clownish style gets in the way of recognizing some of the best guitar players in history. And really, long hair, an outlandish sense of style in stage clothes - isn't that the hallmark of every rock guitar hero from the 60's - 80's and beyond? Yes some of them took the make up and hairspray to extremes, but EVH always looked cool onstage, as did Randy Rhoads, or what's so different about Yngwie's look from Blackmores? Not much...
And talking down on the trappings of the genre like pinch harmonics, or tapping - give me a break. It's well recognized and established rock guitar vocabulary, still being utilized today. It isn't simply an anachronistic cliche ONLY associated with the 80's. It can be if you suck at it,or are small-minded, but barring that.....
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RonZabrocki
October 26, 2012 at 12:52pm
The funniest thing I remember was being in my studio and 4 out 5 of the guys had hair club for men systems on and we were all dressed like clowns and more hairspray than my mother discussing PAGANNINI solos! Go figure!
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ardiril
July 31, 2012 at 9:21pm
#9. Write a 'how to' column for Guitar World. Rehash the pentatonic scale for the umpteenth time.














