So if you read my last blog, you all know how fucking shitty the toilet situation here at Warped Tour 2011 is!
Yeah, the food's not great, yeah it's really, REALLY fucking hot, and more often than not, you are playing with either a severe hangover or you are still drunk as fuck from the night before.
But Warped Tour has its good points, too! For instance, the fact that it is so hot means most of the women at Warped are walking around in next to no clothing. That's a huge bonus and definitely something I spend most of my day being thankful for.
There are, however, a fair few amount of under-age girls at Warped, so gentlemen, let's keep our eyes on the cougars and MILFs, OK? Besides, the older the woman, the more experienced she is. Generally speaking, that means she is better in bed and will do things to you that you have never even heard of or dared to dream of yet.
This also means you will probably blow your baby gravy only 30 seconds into the session, which means less work on your behalf and more time to drink and find even more women.
She's not satisfied with 30 seconds? Thirty seconds in heaven is better than 10 seconds in heaven, right? No?
Either way, I GOT MINE!!! Anyway, I'm pretty sure I can see some hot older women walking by the bus right now, so I'm gonna have to go and do my stretches and turn on that British charm of mine.
Ben Bruce plays guitar in Asking Alexandria.