The Oil Slick: Who Tastes Like What?

Iggy Pop's recent proclamation about bands today being a bunch of “cheap drinks” you can find at a supermarket got me thinking. But much like Homer Simpson, when I think of a drink, my brain goes directly to beer.

If artists today are a bunch of drinks, what kind of beers are they, exactly?

Iggy Pop

Arrogant Bastard Ale

Yes, Iggy in beverage form is an older but highly appreciated fizzy drink that can kick you in the mouth and the wallet. Shamelessly cocky (the bottle says “You're not worthy”) and providing enough punch to keep your beer count in single digits, Arrogant Bastard is basically Iggy with more hops.

The beer and Mr. Pop have earned their respect through years of kicking ass (and braincells), and like the Stooges, the beer is respected even by those who would much rather have something that isn't fighting you on its way down.

Dave Grohl

Bud Light

Hear me out; this isn't a slight to Dave or the Foos, but rather a testament to their approachability as a band. Just like the light (but not too light) beverage in the blue can, the Foo Fighters can be enjoyed during sporting events, after a long day of work or at the beach.

And Bud Light's boardroom-approved marketing slogan, “Here we go,” just seems like something Dave would say right before taking a unicycle down a mountain. Fun, carefree and seemingly ageless ... sorry, apple pie, Bud Light and the Foo Fighters make America great..

Jack White

A Fancy Red Wine

Yes, this may seem like a complete cop out, but Mr. White never really did anything according to expectations. From the creation of the White Stripes and the 10 years of largely positive criticism to the unceremonious way Meg and Jack ended the band, Jack has never been one to stay true to norms.

Jack is a temperamental soul who marches to the beat of his own drum and doesn't really take any common wisdom to heart. Joining three different bands, producing a country album and coming out as a solo act are all on his list of things already finished. Quitting music to become a Sherpa for Mount Everest can't be ruled out at this point.

John Grimley writes The Oil Slick blog on GuitarWorld.com.