Valentine reveals high times and low points in her memoir, All I Ever Wanted – a deep dive into abuse, addiction, and redemption, as well as blazing a trail for a generation of bass players
(Image credit: Daniel Knighton/Getty Images)
Kathy Valentine’s autobiography All I Ever Wanted is a great book, but not an easy one to read. Although its author is now much healthier and happier in 2022 than the young musician described in its early chapters, the traumas she suffered as a child – betrayal, rape, and abortion among them – and the subsequent addictions that she battled in later life are hard to absorb.
Fortunately, Valentine is easy to talk to. Now 63 and sober for more than half her life, she looks back on the events described so vividly in her book with a clear eye. This is just as well, because even aside from the low points of her personal life, she’s been on a rocky journey.
The Go-Go’s, who she joined in 1980 at the age of 21 – picking up the bass guitar despite zero previous experience of the instrument – were the first multi-platinum-selling, all-female band to play instruments themselves, write their own songs, and have a chart-topping album with their debut LP, Beauty & The Beat. The success of early singles We Got The Beat and Our Lips Are Sealed fed a relentless, drug-fueled schedule and, in Valentine’s case, the acquisition of a dependency on alcohol.
After the Go-Go’s eventually crashed to a halt in 1985, Valentine recorded with bands such as the Bluebonnets and released solo music. The main band reunited in 1990, 1992, 2018 and this year, with Valentine raising a daughter, sobering up and dealing with the pitfalls of life along the way. She’s now based in Austin, Texas, with a healthy overview of all the crazy stuff she’s been through, as we discover...
Are you pleased with the way your book turned out, Kathy?
“I’m very pleased. I’m so proud of it, because it was really hard. I almost gave up several times, actually. I just wanted to make sure that I was doing a good job as a writer.
“It was very important to me that anyone who read the book would go, ‘Whether I like her or not, it’s well done’ because if you’ve written a good book, then people are more receptive to your next one.
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“So my main questions were ‘Is it well done?’ and ‘Am I meeting my deadline?’ It wasn’t until I sent it off and there was no turning back that I went ‘Oh my God – people are actually gonna read this.’ I was a little horrified, but it was too late.”
If I have an issue with someone, I don’t pretend like it’s not there, you know, so I wrote my book very much aligned with how I am as a person
What were you worried about?
“I just feel like it was very honest and raw and kind of brutal at times. That’s just how I am. I don’t dance around the truth and I’m always pretty honest. If I have an issue with someone, I don’t pretend like it’s not there, you know, so I wrote my book very much aligned with how I am as a person, but at the same time I felt a little uncomfortable. But it’s been great.”
There’s a lot of sadness in there, especially in your teenage years.
“Yeah. I processed a lot. I think a lot of my drinking and using drugs was to deal with that sadness, and wanting never to face any of that stuff. Getting sober and then writing the book were the two biggest ways of facing what happened and how I behaved. There’s a lot of forgiveness in the book, too. I really felt that was a strong thing that comes through.”
I was very much a productive addict and user, but I feel really grateful that I didn’t inflict more harm on people and myself
You write about a home invasion in 1985 when a man broke into your home and tied you up. Was he ever caught?
“No. He actually tried to come back, but I never stayed in that house again. There was too much trauma.”
Was writing about it therapeutic?
“No – it actually brought it all back. The last line of that chapter is about how broken I was when that happened. I had lost the band, and I was living in a house in the Hollywood Hills that I didn’t know how I was going to pay for. I’d bought it because I thought the band was going to make an album. And now I didn’t even feel safe there any more. I just felt so vulnerable and beaten down.”
The Go-Go's Kathy Valentine and Jane Wiedlin [right] onstage at the Greek (Image credit: Markus Cuff/Corbis via Getty Images)
How many years is it since you got sober?
“I’ve just had 33 years. I don’t miss it at all, you know. I feel very fortunate that I didn’t wreak more havoc and do more damage. I was very creative: it wasn’t like I was just sitting around in the corner of a dark room. I was very much a productive addict and user, but I feel really grateful that I didn’t inflict more harm on people and myself.
“Everyone’s heard the absolute worst stories, where people go to jail or overdose, but my experience wasn’t quite that extreme. I think my story shows that it doesn’t have to get that bad. You can just get to the point where your life is not working, and it’s unmanageable.”
When we made our first album, I’d only been playing the bass for probably six months
On YouTube, there are a bunch of Go-Go’s bass covers. Have you seen them?
“Some of them. I just saw one the other day, a guy who did a really good job. I wrote him and I said, ‘I’m gonna steal some of your passing notes,’ because he was doing it his own way, and some of those notes were super-cool.”
Go-Go's - Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony 2021 - YouTube
“Well, I believe that I’m a smoother, more fluid player now. I was new on the instrument when I joined the Go-Go’s: when we made our first album, I’d only been playing the bass for probably six months. And I remember our producer, Richard Gottehrer, said, ‘I want you to look at Gina’s [Schock, drummer] foot, and every time she hits the kick drum, you play a note’.
“Of course, with time I feel like I’ve gotten much more fluid and more relaxed, but it was still a really good lesson for a new bass player. It’s funny, we recently did a show and Gina had some degeneration in her hand, and couldn’t play the gig, so my dear friend and friend of the band Clem Burke filled in.
“His kick drum patterns were very different, so I was back in that place – and I had to figure out very quickly that I needed to adjust my accents to fit his bass drum patterns.”
How has your stage performance changed over the years?
“I’m more comfortable on stage now. Sometimes I look back at old photos or films and I can tell that I’m self-conscious. Anything that happens now won’t bother me. My pants could split up to the butt and I wouldn’t panic, you know. Everything that could possibly happen or go wrong has already happened and gone wrong.”
When I was approached by the Go-Go’s, they had come back from England and they were happening
Is it correct that you joined the Go-Go’s with no previous experience on bass?
“Yeah. I’d moved to Los Angeles to make it and find a band, and the band I’d started hadn’t gone anywhere quick enough. When I was approached by the Go-Go’s, they had come back from England and they were happening.
“They could sell out a club, and I hadn’t experienced that, so when I was asked if I could play the bass, I didn’t even hesitate. I really thought, ‘How hard can it be?’ I was a guitar player, and I could play with a pick. ‘It’s fewer strings, and they’re easier to hit!’ was the extent of what I thought.”
Talk about the importance of Suzi Quatro.
“Well, I didn’t see her as playing the bass. I saw her as a rock star fronting a band with an instrument. All the women I’d seen that were rock stars were lead singers. I didn’t know about the band Fanny, and the Runaways weren’t around yet, so Suzi was literally the very first female rock star I saw who was not just singing, but also holding down the low end and fronting the band.
“That was a turning point for me, because even though I was playing the guitar, and even though I loved rock and roll, it hadn’t occurred to me that I could buy an electric guitar and plug it into an amplifier and start a band.
“I’ve just written a letter to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame advocating for Suzi, and I’ll continue to advocate for her, because with women and music it’s not always that you’ve had this many hits or this many albums sold, it’s about how many people you inspired and affected.”
The Go-Go's ft. Belinda Carlisle - Our Lips Are Sealed (1981) • TopPop - YouTube
Like Suzi, you’ve generally played Fenders throughout your career.
“Yeah. There was a time where I had an Ibanez, probably because I saw a photo of myself on stage and thought that the proportions of my Fender were off for my size and so I wanted something that fit my body.
“I don’t remember the Ibanez model, but it was small. After that, there was one tour where I knew someone at Gibson and she gave me a Les Paul bass. I covered it in stickers, even though it was just a loaner. I’m sure they weren’t pleased to get it back with stickers all over it.”
In the Go-Go’s, there’s no room for much of anything other than being solid, melodic and in the pocket
Les Paul basses are great, but they’re heavy.
“Oh, so heavy, yeah. And then somewhere along the road I started loving a Fender Jazz neck with a Precision body. Fender never endorsed me – much to my annoyance! – but they would often slap a Jazz neck on the body of a P and lay it on me for a tour.
“So that’s pretty much been my main thing, although Bolin Guitars have also made me a Telecaster bass which is completely silver sparkle, from the headstock down. It’s hollow, so it’s really light. I love the Fender VI bass, too. It’s so awesome to play, because you can do chords.”
Belinda Carlisle [left] joins and Kathy Valentine with the Go-Go's. (Image credit: Tim Mosenfelder/Getty Images)
Do you slap and pop?
“Only when I’m goofing around in rehearsal. I’m not in that kind of band. My band just needs what I do. In the Go-Go’s, there’s no room for much of anything other than being solid, melodic and in the pocket.
“I just tried to make the songs really solid and rocking. I think there are two kinds of bass players – the ones like me that come in the side door from the guitar, and then there’s the ones that start with bass. We’re all real bass players, though.”
Which amps do you use?
“In the ’80s, I think I was the only person that Gallien-Krueger ever endorsed. I’ve got an ad somewhere – I should show it to you. Other than that, it’s pretty much always an Ampeg SVT in the studio. I like the fliptop amp a lot.”
Any effects in the chain?
“I wish, but no. The Go Go’s are – what’s a nice way of saying rigid, and that everything stays the same? You know, the formula works.”
Consistent?
“Yes – so there’s no room for effects. If I played bass in another band, I would probably have all kinds of stuff going on. I love fuzz bass. I love wah. But I tell you what, for my book, I did a soundtrack, and I played everything on that, and I really loved some of my bass playing on it.
“It was the first time in a long time where I was I impressed myself, because it’s some of the best bass playing I’ve ever done. And because it was a soundtrack, I could do whatever I wanted. I wasn’t bound by any restrictions of being in a punky pop band. On one song, I even played slide bass. I just thought, ‘What would it be like to play bass with a finger slide?’”
The Bangles (with Kathy Valentine of The Go Gos) perform 'Walk Like An Egyptian', 05.29.15 - YouTube
A lot of young, female bassists will read this. What would you like them to learn from your book?
“That’s a really good question. It’s a very different era now than when I grew up. It was right after the ’60s, so I was a teenager in an era when everyone was having sex. But as the mother of a daughter who’s now 19, what I’ve always tried to tell her is that all that stuff can really get in the way of your self-esteem.
“There’s nothing more important than how you feel about yourself, and nothing you can do can make someone else see you the way you want to see yourself. That’s what I think I would try to convey: to make sure that you always behave and treat others in a way that makes you feel good about yourself.
As a child, I felt very unvalued: I felt very thrown out into the world
“That comes from your actions and the way you treat others. I think that’s the biggest thing I’ve learned. As a child, I felt very unvalued: I felt very thrown out into the world.
“It was my job to take care of myself, but I didn’t have any training, and I was too young, so I didn’t do a very good job of taking care of myself. It’s something I’m still learning how to do. Every day, we have a new chance to take better care of ourselves, and if you can do that, you can look out for everyone else a bit better.”
I don’t necessarily feel qualified to say this, but I hope that conditions are better for young women in the music industry nowadays.
“I think so. I’ve seen an amazing amount of women playing instruments and hired by major artists, everyone from Beyoncé to Pink and so on. But what I don’t see is a lot of women starting bands that are all female. I don’t know why, but I would like to see more of that.
“From the minute I started playing, I wanted to be in an all-female band, because I wanted to see that band in the pantheon of huge bands. The other thing is that I get frustrated, because on YouTube you see so many women sitting in their bedroom and shredding away on their guitar or their bass. I want to tell them, ‘Get out in the world. You don’t have to play in your bedroom!’”
Joel McIver was the Editor of Bass Player magazine from 2018 to 2022, having spent six years before that editing Bass Guitar magazine. A journalist with 25 years' experience in the music field, he's also the author of 35 books, a couple of bestsellers among them. He regularly appears on podcasts, radio and TV.
![The Go Go's Kathy Valentine and Jane Wiedlin [right] onstage at the Greek](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/xWVuPDZXXctDYqkbzmeZ9Z-1200-80.jpg.webp)
